I was scared at school,
Masters and subjects did not rest well with me,
On leaving class I was overwhelmed with the magnificence of all I did not know.
I bathed within the glow of discovery.
Arithmetic and writing was considered a skill
Little did I recognise that none was better.
Nought did I realise that I was not me.
But a product of an accounting machine that required simplicity.
My education and indocrination cost someone money
But according to accounting discipline I was a negative
A ledger entry that weighed with more detriment than bonus
And numbered with little recourse for dispute.
Fat kids in the school yard had a belly and some dumb belief in compensating for their disability.
They were feared and revered for their magnosity.
Alas it was only their feeding and breathing that awed me
But I wondered where they would shit that great pile of food where it could not be smelt.
If I were ever smart enough to murder myself
The administrator would call me to account as an anomally in the statistics
Even after death I am in debt
I will pay even though I enjoy but I am reluctant to even wet my pants.
I am disabled enough to recognize my secrets and accept that
There are only three secrets :
Those you do not tell others, those you do not tell yourself
And the other is the secret.
Every man must go through hell to reach paradise
But I must resist the urge to strike him down
For he is merely an echo and strives to reduce my dignity
I am only a performer in a circus and he is the clown.
There are other reasons for failure and they are absolute traits of my animal.
Whatever happens you will react on purpose,
You will act according to your error of judgement,
And you will react out of remorse for your actions because you are stupid.
Being careful of yourself can lead to just being.
Judge a fellow man by the effect he has on his friends
We are what we do not throw away, baggage weighs the soul
And when in torment and seeking revenge, remember to dig two graves.
The two most masculine words are 'generous breasts'
And god created man and tempted him with a demon and a choice
Favouring knowledge over wisdom he sealed his fate
By discovering the joys of the cunt that bore him.
When the days of creation were all done and twilight loomed
No one except nature had any further idea for one more thing
The growing sphere of nothing required a design team
To address the gap between a man's bag and his balls.
And god fills it with sperm as soft and glistening as a liquid pearl jam
But it is so wasted with a clenched fist and imagination.
So I walk with my dog and his nose
Following his smell of the past and I am lonely.
But he smells the past not the pain for it is a memory
He should not go there, memory is sufficient and it has a smell.
His hell is a life devoid of god, a random calvalcade of choices
The noise in the background of silence is the sound of screaming souls in hell.
But I take risks, it is my distinguisng trait of identity
What I do today paves the way to what I do tomorrow
And I remember being a one of millions of sperm squirming to survive
For what ?
When your heart breaks, my world does not hear but feels and keeps ringing
And your thoughts are as useless as operating a health spa at Chernobyl
Dreams lead to thoughwaddy and cannot be redeemed but nutured
They will screech and then thump and then rattle.
My memory is an interptetation but not a fact
Alcoholics have more hair because they do not have time to worry
Trying to understand a naked woman is like taking apart a clock.
There are three types of woman and I do not know what they are.
Every civilization is founded on a crime
War is a trick of denial we perform when not wanting to die immediately
It may be that we should not speak
Unless we can improve silence.
So we seek solace with dissention but weighed with disability
Of the soul of the heart of the esssence,
But there is no one pedalling a one wheeled towards doom except me
And I follow a cycle of pumping bums full of uncatorizable sewerage.
But the animal I am insists on a cuddle
I cannot trust the cuddler but I feel better for the comfort
All |I have is esconsed in a package between my legs
But I revel with the belief that divorce from reality is the only trial that a finding of guilt sets me free.
We are what we feel not what we ought to say.