In the age of leather skirts and sandles that which was the perogotive of men who knew women not to wear panties seventeen hundred years hence, men built a wall in the cold.
An advance party of engineers dispatched to the cold northern lands of the empire gave credit to the legionaires who folowed them and revelled in the construction of a wall never seen before and that subsequently was partly demolished by rebels during the next one thousand years. Little is known of their abilty to perform so well wearing a skirt.
Skirts were essential male wear until the late 1500's. Thereafter females were dependant on securing their income and found much solace incurring the associated tax benefits. Men did not wear 'pants' and for the next 1000 years pornography was king.
Emperor Hadrian bathed in opulence and was well admired, but failed to nominate an heir and was known to relish his popularity but was despised for his insatiable curiosity, self conceit and ambition. He was however a collector of art and was often compromised betwitch impression, delusion and regression. Freud would later claim we must acknowledge our motherhood but refused to consider the overwhelming distraction of the shopping mall apon our intellect.
No wonder he prohibited circumcision - probably of males, for there is no evidence of female complaints.
There is also little evidence of the existance of the poor sods employed to walk the distance between Wallsend to Bowness - or backwards as it may need to be on a wet coldy up my skirt ball shrinking mother fucken day where Sandles and leather skirts have little appeal. A measure was necessary and nature provided the answer but could not explain the discrepancies between lengthes nd how many men furtively paced the distance to prove that the wall could be built.
Hadrian only visited the wall once, In 122. He was convinced his allegiant Roman engineers had surveyed it's site and an estimate of the cost was fair, no doubt that inflation, trade vagaries, cost of leather on the stock exchange, current exchange rates that varied daily according to the shipping manifest and the exchange rate of young Russian willing wives versus the Impeccable virginal wives of Roman emperors listed on the exchange as assets and thus avoiding the tax incurred of travelling costs.
But he never bothered to consruct his wall from Wallsend to South Shields, a distance of 8 miles. He went home and spent the remainder of his life authorising public erections saluting his granduer. He refused various attempts of circumcision and subsequently died from conditional anxiety and extreme squirts of pus from his nether gland.
Unfortunately for the lad, his parents both denied they ever fucked and the shoddy attempts the skirt wearing policia' presented to the Court were greeted with contempt and chuckles and much self-congratulatory huggings as they relished the infamy, Hadrian was indeed the anonymous 'Donkey Man' aka Publius Aelius Hadrianus.
Little is known of his notioriety after his death, he could not text and the various stone tablets attributed to him are meticuously reproduced for sale at the local shopping mall but can not be verified due to the expiry date of the attending bar code.
It is of import to notice his lack of actual physical support for the project. By the next summer he needed to be carefully spatualard from his poolside enclave of velestial virgins, his uninterupted remains are now visible at Christies. www. mydick.com .au.
( Bless you, my man. I asked that dude who knew one third of the Tarantino Bros. He denies ever knowing the twins )
His father named Hadrian him 'Hadrian the Small' before he was born. At the time, business registrations were coping with an unprecedented number of calls and the pidgeon poo accumulated on the lines was not helping.
Translators often debate the rationale of Hadrian and his parents upon his birth. His father had listened to to every Pink Floyd album since AD 115 and really fucked hard to produce a child.
Little did they know that he would build the wall - little did they foresee his betrayal from his band- mates shortly before the release of their highly acclaimed " Pigs Animals and Other things I Fuked".
Unfortunately, current historians have failed in their attempts to locate the original presses from the era.
They do however, have finally managed to confirm his name : Publius Aelius Hadrianus.
Poor guy. Image it at kindergarten play time - 'hey anus show us ya pubes'. Various historians have objected to this interpretation and would wish to direct you to "Plebes r us". com.org. However, public consent rates Emperor Hadrian to be the illegitimate son of a Donkey.
Recent archeology supports the theory that Hadrian was lampooned in the media as an 'arse fucking donkey dick of a man intent on wearing winged sandles and carrying a purse'.
It's possibly proven that wing tipp shoes, travellers, rogues, vagbonds, thieves and tavellers are Mercury, but Mars they are not.
No doubt the ancients owned great swathes of land in north England, but it was a long way from home.
American Express would not entertain the financial liability for shipping 16,000 uncircumcised persons to an uninhabitled land without a single sharp knife.
Thus so did Hadrian construct his wall, using numerous skirt wearing slaves.
His structure rarely extended beyond the length of his skirt but with clever marketing management and political alignments he arranged for downwards of 50,000 legionairs, to be dispatched to Englund to quell the radical anarcist Scots, flambouyant in their plaided linen skirts.
Damn the Scots and their sheep bladder descendants of the bag pipes, Hadrianus needed a shopping mall and he was bumping over 67 ounces of cocaine a day just to keep his legionaires functioning.
This wall was a stubby fellow, somewhat approaching in places 6 feet tall and 8 feet thick.
Publius was not short of dick, Napoloen was akin to keeping his hand in his jacket to assage his ego.
His advisors sugested prime-time stone tablet would improve his exposure. Unfortunately the most recent tablet upload severly enabled his capacity and he passed into the dark reality of the AD world of legionares.
But he left a wall of 84.9 real miles, or 80 miles, or 73 miles, or roughly equivalent to 45,073 Croissants. No doubt the young Anus had difficulty with his converion tables.
Had he remained awake during the Drinking lesson 101 of his university studies he may have learnt that his hand intoward the pussy of his classmate achieved only level 1 of perserverance but was not intelliganxth to come herewhither whereafter or furthermores. (the acccompanied translations are indicipherable).
Leather skirts enhancesd the swagger of his gait but restricted his ability to masturbate.
Hadrian did not have the balls to move further north and build a wall between Edinburgh and Glassgow. That task fell to Antonine two undred and twenty years later to recruit 550,000 hot babes from Victoria's Secret to erect a mound further north and spanning a distance much less than Hadrians wall but located in the moist lowlands of pussydom.
Hadrian was a smart dude in his Saschi sandles, ferarriy headgar, and his pet donkey as he paraded aplomb in his spendour as a naked arse, along the length of his wall. But he failed basic aithmetic in grade 1 and never recovered from the blow from a tablet of stone hurled with intent at his head to strike the 'dumb motherfucker down' but he apparently survived the incident.
Forever disgraced and often masturbated he wandered the streets - and compared his grief with Antagiounas the Great - the god of Agony. Had he not adhered to the principals beaten into him by his phsycopath parents he would have become a great man.
Dragged from a McRoman dumpster in the earely hours of AD Tuesday, he recounted his experience.
Stripped of his jewellery, arse fisted and forced to lick the glaze from popcorn purchased during the intermission his recent portrayal of the villian lacks intensity and reflects an inability to self-define.
This inabiity to molest donkey's (sic) but dress his soldiers in leather skirts indicates a prepubescent desire to build walls. The chief practitioneer of Lego Inc. declined to comment.
The closest associate available on the record has vowed to fight the indescribable wanton attitude.
In fact, the aforementioned alleged scantily undressed side-boobed cock sucking anal opening cum dripping cunt failed to excite him.
Or did he have not reason to not enforce roughly ten percent of its lenght.
I suspect he had no need, for he taxed the residing prostitutes whilst allowing them to spread a pox.
Damn the engineers, a route of a wall between Edinburgh and Glasgow would have been shorter, which they did not overnight but 273 years later. The bookkeepers were ill adept at defining length, being way too accustomed to working nights at a cafe' checking in on the booty count.
Further investigations/consumations/procrastinations and insunuations demanded I attend.
( *the following text is indecipherable but accurately reproduced for your introspection forthwith).
ns weighingaaaameasuring - their lawyers (in skirts )
Maybe the Scottish Tribes needed Southern pussy and the wall was an uncircumsised cock just waiting to be scratched.
Bar Kochba had previously been sent to Judea to quell Jewish rebells as he (or she, or binary or him or even www.dogs.com) was the the Roman Governor of Britain at this time. Affirmation of sexual tendencies overuled logistic requirements at that time and they/it/them/binary/lesbian/boys in skirts/unisex pissing on young Scottish pussy, interested the emperor beyond the capacity of his dignitary and applicable downloads on his tablet plan empowered him, with his dick hanging lefties and as such enabled him to authorise the only known coins of the era's occupation of this foreign territory.
Holding back the Scottish tribes by taxes, entrance fees and forcible circumcision was a priority.
Skirts for men was determining future culture.
Hadrian never attended the building of his wall, he merely sponsered it, which is akin to providing deodorant to a nazi death camp, but he did subdue a Jewish revolt somewhere between 132 and 135.
But he was an emperor from 117 to 138 - somewhere, maybe, unaccounted for, not verified.
It was a turf wall constructed as a precursor to a cricket pitch, and lasted numerous overs before being dismantled by itinerant landholders and used as construction material for their mansions.
An 'over' is a descript archaic north english term for "panties off" and the Romans were not adept in translating this as 'piss off' , but non the less they took offence.
Hadrian logged in his wall (ie: measured his dick) at 84.9 real miles.
There is no mention of the plebe who paced the length ot the necessary structure but 1 Roman mile was the distance of 1000 paces and 2 steps was equivalent to 1.48 metres, which, in English cock length equals roughly 4 feet10 inches.
Damn the French - they have nothing to do with this - they fucked over every country they invaded and still only left with croissoints and gave it all to the English.
But a Roman mile equals 1620 yards, 1480 metres, and there were forts placed about 7 miles apart along its lenght, designed as taxation points for entry and brothel points of entry for the skirt wearing Scotts....who relished being 'beamed up' by the Roman whores.
Hadrian died in 138 and his successor, Antonious Pius built a new wall of turf a couple of miles north.
It was not approved by Lord Wimbeldon for cricket or tennis and subsequentley was ignored.
After some 200 years the Romans ceased control of the wall and retreated to Rome where they invented trousers to warm their legs and hold their balls aloft.
The extreme weather and the provocations from the Scots on the north side and the Pricks on the south side prompted the Romans to question the practicabilities of their attire and the unsuitability for the climate and the unharnessed swinging balls between their legs that did little to enhance movement (but enticed the females and many legionnaires to indulge in masturbation).
There is no evidence that the Romans held the wall after 383 - but there is evidence of their sperm.
But it exists in numerous wet dreams as extending to a lenght of 73 and a half miles and the British government has endeavoured to preserve the wall but cannot decide if it be declared in Roman miles, English miles or French miles.
Hadrian subdued a Jewish revolt with severity over 3 years after 132 - that's a lot of dicks.