Associate Diploma in Reverse Phsycology.
Attended Mumbai Call Centre University - Results are still inconclusive but I was initially pleased with their letter of introduction accepting me into their course.
Naturally I told them to fuck-off.
They immediately awarded me Honours and a full pass in lieu of my ceasing to disturb their Call Centre staff.
Tick Bonus box. Now that is Reverse Phsycology in action.
However they did warn me not to be an arsehole.
I have now enrolled in their course 'How to be an Arshole'.
As long I attend punctually and with my poop bag full I will graduate with full honours.
My education is ongoing.
Certification in People Management.
As was necessary I was required to submit my Police record.
I ran out of paper and their office found it prudent to remove all records of my offences.
Naturally I was astounded that I may not even be accepted for the course.
I hastely responded with an altogether unsuitable threat to firebomb them
After much careful consideration I escalated my threats and made sure that I was tracked.
The UN and the Mumbai Army mobilised against me.
My website was trashed, my calls were monitored and my subsriptions were cancelled.
That was a major bonus for me - they awarded me Accreditation as long as I fucked off.
Degree in Animal Husbandry.
That was too easy, all that was required was for me to fuck an animal and live stream it.
Unfortunately I was unable to find an animal that would approve of my penetrations.
I did however manage to find a human and his testimony will not be heard in a court.
Apparently, animal cruelty is ranked higher than cruelty to people.
An easy fix - two birds with one stone - so to speak.
But I was already stoned and drunk so I staged an event - unfortunately the Turkey did not survive.
Training and Assessment.
Lucky for me that they allowed firearms to be on my person whilst on campus.
Unlucky for my fellow students who had to foot the bill for massive blood cleanups and removal.
I passed with flying colours only because I had no living competitors.
Diploma in Waste Management.
Passed with full honours.
My presentation of a Dog Sleeping Cushion wowed the critics.
They wanted it to be displayed at the Guggeineim Museum.
Howwever, due to the smell they were unable to obtain permits for removal.
Citing laws regarding Hazardous Chemical Removal they could not.
Now I live with a festering mound of shit
But that is management - almost like an automatic email response.
My case is due to be heard by the Animal Rights Comission.
Unfortunately my case is pending - but I got my Diploma due to lack of unpresentable evidence.
Award of Merit for being Obnoxious.
The jury is still out on this - they claim I influenced called in Turkey's to present my defence.
The clean-up of turkey poo affected the jurers severly - several are no longer available for comment.
Gold Star recogition of Contributions to the Human Race.
I am continuing my studies in this area.
There are difficulties involved in my satisfactory endorsement.
Off the record, the Institute has been unable to log any contributions.
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