Awakening this morning with re-organization on my mind, bored from lack of sleep and needing to fill a vaccuum.
Routines were not suficient but there seemed to be a mess of tables, short, round and otherwise carefully arranged to reflect my designing notions of organised mayhem that will never be appreciated by the anally compulsive.
Once my new playspace was rearranged and all replacements were carefully tethered to the carpets I had a pill a drink and a smoke just to calm down - change can be exhilarating.
As the dawning sun peeked under the eaves I still had over ten hours of daylight remaining for me to occupy. If waiting all night to move a couple of tables was bliss, how boring is my life?
Time to make a difference me thinks. Possibly misdirected motivativation, maybe in hindsight I should have gone without not within, Yin and Yang, George Harrison - take it how you want.
Normally my agenda is fullfilled waiting in court rooms for judgments on my attrocious behaviour, but it takes so long to bring a smile to the magistrates face, that I hardly think it's worth the time.
Well for the rest of my day I'm going to redirect my energy and I will do all I can to not fuck things up.
Some things will never change because no one does anything about the obvious. Iggy Pop was bored as Chairman of the Board. No fucking wonder, it's hard work manipulating a ship of fools, but immensely satisfying if you can get away with it.
So I decided to return my i phone.
Armed with basic training in people skills, alcohol and stupidity I developed a plan for sucking up a few hours, at least until lunchtime.
THIS MORNING"S BUSINESS PLAN:
1. Purpose : Test staff response at JB Hi Fi.
2. Tools : Receipt of purchase, phone, proof of 'not fit for use'.
3. Ingredients : Attitude, complete ignorance of others feelings, my friends Justerini and Brooks.
4. Objective : Get money back or be arrested by the police.
5. Motivation : Boredom.
6 Result : Unfortunately the ctv footage was destroyed during the scuffle but the forgotten mysteries of memory and mobile phones will suffice for the record.
I hereby declare that the folowing transcript is as accurate as my friends allowed in order to protect me.
"Hi, I've come to return my phone, I bought it yesterday and it just wont co-operate".
There is nothing wrong with the phone.
But there is no signal being received via any hotspot, wifi of mine - the phone says it is but no other device is listening. For 700 dollars I don't want a dumb phone.
The phone is good, check your devices.
Ok, it's like this. If I buy a washing machine from you and I'm required to reconfigure every item in my house to suit the little fucker before it will operate, that is not legally 'fit for purpose'. Damn, that is making everything else I have 'fit for any other purpose except mine'.
Will you you lower your voice and stop swearing or I'll call the manager.
You can call your manager and your staff and the police but the time you all will spend in court is not worth you challenging me getting a refund.
(there are now a circle of over hormoned righteous young alpha competive staff dudes hovering like we are all in a bar fight and I'm just busting a pool cue on the edge of the table, before I whack it into their ipods).
(there is also another guy in the shop who tells me to tone it down, there are kids here. P.S. dude, there are kids everywhere, you swear, movies swear, your wife is probably a bitch and your kids are fucked, go outside and get some sun).
(there's also another guy outside who has waited for me to come out because his purpose for the day was to catch me tossing an empty can in the garden rather than walk 4 kilometres to a bin - such is life).
Will you calm down, I'm trying to help you. (Says he the wearer of the coveted covid inducing mask).
Ok, I'm leaving here, that's all my stuff, you sort it out, I'll be back soon for a refund.
- 20 minutes later I'm propped on a bench in JB and no one is coming near me, not even the police.
(I'm a patient man, people don't deserve to die, until 30 minutes is gone).
Thank you, we'll give you a refund.
Thank you kindly, that's great. Oh by the way, I have a job. I work for bosses like yours and they send me to their businesses to test staff interactions with customers....you failed.
7. Consequences : Positive effect on wallet, negative government drinking tax on my fun, positive adrenalin rush, negative crushing effect on innocent humans, positive entertainment, positive lack of successful police intervention, negative waste of petrol and 7 hours of my extremely busy bored life, negative effects of being lost in a megalithic 4 storey multi tomb shoping complex hosting zomboids, positive result from recognising 'post cognitive disonance' as the misnomer for 'post cognitive dissobediance'.
8. Aftermath : None.
9. Repurcussions : Some folks just need to learn how to suck eggs.
10. Result : Satisfaction.
11. Implications : Find other things to do.