20200524

The USS Ponce and Other Ponces.

This is what is on my mind :

The USS Ponce, an Amphibious Transport Dock, is the first ship in the United States Navy to be offically fitted with  a Laser Gun.

In Australian slang a 'ponce' is a title generally given to a person enamoured with false pretentions, that is, a 'poser' or a 'dickhead'. These people are often ridiculed and are considered as a source of entertainment. Their efforts to substantiate the implausible and impossible are often foolhardy and have the potential to inflict damage on innocent bystanders.

US Pentagon officials claim that the new high technology system offers a weapon at a fraction of the cost of traditional arsenal - "such as cruise missiles and rapid fire Gatling guns." (Los Angeles Times). They believe that a shot of directed energy costs under $US1. The Chief of Naval Research, Rear Admiral Matthew Klunder said in a statement. "Compare that that to the hundred of thousands of dollars it costs to fire a missile, and you can begin to see the merits of this capability."

The USS Ponce was launched in 1970 and in 2012 it was awaiting decommissioning and being sold as scrap in consideration of her age and an accumulation of rust. However, a contract was let for a rush retrofit of the ship and her re-deployment.

I am amused (raflol - in textspeak) that the Pentagon would even dare mention Gatling guns as though they were recently superseded technology. The Gatling gun did not see action until 1874 when it was finally embraced by the US military after its predecessor, the Coffee Mill (invented in 1861) was declared to be "...of no practical value." by the  ScientificAmerican in 1863. Gatling never got rich from government orders during the Civil War, but his gun did later achieve 'iconic status'.

Wikipedia states that the "USS Ponce (AFSB(I)-15), an Austin-class amphibious transport dock, is the only ship of the United States Navy that is named for Ponce in the Commonwealth of Puerto Rico, which in turn was named after the Spanish explorer Juan Ponce de Leon, the first governor of Puerto Rico and European discoverer of Florida."

There are reasons why this re-fitted ship and its new weapon are on my mind. It is a puzzle to me as to why the inventors of weapons of mass destructrion contend that the more destructive the weapons of war, the fewer are its casualties. Their reasoning appears to be that anyone facing the use of these weapons will be inclined to either run away or send fewer combatants to face annihilation, or that the force using the weapon will deploy fewer personel due to the increased destructive power of this weapon. There are also some people on my mind who exemplify the stupidity of this reasoning and each is either ignorant, brilliant or insane.

They are Richard Gatling and Alfred Nobel and they follow in the footsteps of Juan Ponce de Leon and have set the scene for the beliefs of Rear Admiral Klunder.

In 1513 Juan Ponce de Leon discovered the mainland that he called Florida, in recognition of his day of discovery, Easter Sunday (Pascua Florida) and took possession in the name of the Spanish king. As provincial governor, Ponce de León had occasion to meet with the Taínos who visited his province from neighboring Puerto Rico. They told him stories of a fertile land with much gold to be found in the many rivers. Inspired by the possibility of riches, Ponce de León requested and received permission from Ovando to explore the island. As provincial governor, Ponce de León had occasion to meet with the Taínos who visited his province from neighboring Puerto Rico. They told him stories of a fertile land with much gold to be found in the many rivers. Inspired by the possibility of riches, Ponce de León requested and received permission from Ovando to explore the island. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Juan_Ponce_de_Le%C3%B3n)

He returned to Spain and later, in 1521, he returned to conquer and colonize his land, but the fierceness of the natives prevented his success. He was wounded in the encounter and died in Cuba the same year.

Juan Ponce de Leon was one of the many fools appointed by the Spanish crown to search for the elusive city of Eldorado as well as the mythical Fountain of Youth. He was one of the many Spanish and English adventurers sent to the new Americas with the blessings of their countries to discover and monopolise the apparent wealth of the native indians. However, nobody of European descent could understand the tales of the natives and misinterpreted their folklore. In fact, the legend of the city of gold was merely based on native tales of a "man of gold" from beyond the mountains.
(* there is a very good book about this subject, The Golden Man - the quest for El Dorado by Victor W.von Hagen).

There are many fools populating our history, some of whom were convinced they were discovering, inventing and introducing technologies and beliefs that were benefitting mankind. There are two other brilliant people who had they been alive today, would recognize the devastating value of their brilliance.

Alfred Nobel was deeply disturbed that an obituary writer had confused the Nobels in reporting that his brother, Robert, had died and that the article was titled  "The Merchant of Death is Dead". Alfred was the inventor of a product which he proudly named "Nobel's Safety Blasting Powder" and named it 'dynamite', derived from the Greek dynamikos, 'power'. He had found a way to stabilise nitroglycerine, making it safe to transport and store. The inventor of nitroglcerine (which was highly unstable), Ascanio Sobrero, wrote that when he thought "...of all the victims killed...and the terrible havoc that has been wreaked...I am almost ashamed to be its inventor." He fervently believed that his invention was of benefit to mankind in that it would be of use for "the abolition or reduction of standing armies". Alfred left in his will, $9 million for the establishment of a foundation in his name, the Nobel Prize.

Richard Jordan Gatling was another inventor of whom we can all be proud of for finding a way to reduce our numbers. He was the American inventor of the first successful machine gun. He may well have been Alfred Nobel's psychic twin, for he also believed that his invention would shorten wars and reduce the number of casualties. He claimed that his weapon would "supersede the necessity of large armies and consequently exposure to battle and disease." But at least Richard must have possessed a sense of humour - he also invented a Flushing Toilet. Gatling also experimented with guns that were powered by electricity or gas but reasoned that it was difficult to carry a power source onto a battlefield.

One other person who was brilliantly mad and did realise the implications of his interference was Albert Einstein. Earnest Rutherford had speculated that the fission (splitting) of the uranium atom would release energy, but would also release more neutrons. The subsequent chain reaction would continue splitting neutrons and deliver an unbelievable amount of power.Of the atom being split he said: " Could a proper detonator be found it was just conceivable that a wave of atomic disintergration might be started through matter, which would make the old world vanish in smoke". Enrico Fermi later assembled a team of ambitious physicists and bombarded various elements with neutrons to see if the atoms would disintegrate. Fermi later won a Nobel Prize for Physics.   The "Manhattan Project", a massive research effort introduced by President Roosevelt with the director of the laboratory, Robert Oppenheimer, was largely the result of a letter sent to FDR by Einstein warning that German physicists had split the atom and were trying to develop a bomb unlike the world had seen before.

And so now, in 2013 we are living with the legacy left to us by brilliant madmen and fools. Some like Ponce de Leon sought to please their king, some like Nobel, found a way to make a dangerous product more available, some like Gatling were either hopelessly naive or wickedly hypocritical. These genius fools spread their immoral ideas through the channels of moral enterprise.They profess to bring improved technology to benefit men of war but they insidiously encourage the use of tools that offer all men more efficient  ways to kill.

The US Navy say their "consevative" data tells of the cheap cost of  a shot of "directed energy". What their data may not tell them is the real cost of delivering that energy. Are they again faced with the dilemma facing Gatling in being able to deliver the power effectively to the battle zone? Apparently, the installed laser's power can be "scaled" down to provide a "non-lethal"  alternative to ward off threats such as pirates, smugglers and terrorists. The laser does, however, have its drawbacks, testing has revealed it is disrupted by bad weather: Rain and clouds can scatter the beam, as can smoke, sand and dust.

The USS Ponce and its laser will be deployed in 2014. This follows the successful mounting and firing in 2011, when the laser set fire to an empty motorboat bobbing in the Pacific Ocean. However, generally the development of laser technology has been plagued by setbacks. Testing has revealed it is disrupted by bad weather: Rain and clouds can scatter the beam, as can smoke, sand and dust. It is not reassuring that the ship is an old rustbucket and has been saved from being scrapped and hastilty refitted. That the Pentagon did not risk the investment on a better ship should be a warning of their faltering belief in the success of the project. It seems that it is only an amphibious ponce with a laser gun, a floating platform for a new age Gatling gun.

At least now we know we may soon be safer from attack by those terrible 'terrorists' and other hostile seafaring mongrels. As long as a reliable power source can be found and the weather is perfect we will again have another machine of war. Leave it to Uncle Sam and the media to sensationalise the threat of war and our loss of freedom. We live in a virtual state of fear in the new age of paranoia, confusion and technology. When the weather is clear and their are no obstacles in the line of fire, and there is an experienced operator, and there is a reliable power source, and the ray is set at the right intensity, and the number of operating technicians is minimal, and the hardware damage isoptimum, and the casualties are maximum, and the cost is negligable - only then will the Pentagon have the perfect weapon of mass destruction.

And finally, there are two quotations that seem to reflect my opinion:

"The appearance of the machine-gun had not so much disciplined the act of killing - which was what the seventeenth-century drill had done - as mechanized or industrialized it." - John Keegan, The Face of Battle (1976).

"War always reaches the depths of horror because of idiots who perpetuate terror from generation to generation under the pretext of venegance." - Guy Sajer, The Forgotten Soldier (1971).

Fare thee well me hearties, damn the torpedos and full speed ahead.


The Boston Bombings - One Man's Action can Change the World.

One man's action can change the world, the actions of two men can ruin the world.

There is currently much contention over the capture of and motives of the Boston Marathon bombers. These two young adults and the idealism that inspired them to commit such an atrocious act will be studied for years to come.

I am particularly interested in an article by Adrianna Huffington and in particular her statement "A lot of the who, what, where and how of the bombing and what led up to it have already been answered and, no doubt, more details will eventually be filled in. The why, however, is the more elusive question. But it's also a crucial one. And the why we need answered has to do with more than just questions about Chechnya and Russia, and the conflict between the two. We also need to know why we have so many disaffected young men in our culture, and what compels them to act out that disaffection in violent ways".

I am amused that some of the lessons of history seem to have not been learnt and if we do not learn of our mistakes from the past then we are doomed to repeat them.

Regardless of ideologies and motivation this act is reminiscent of a previous act of terror in Russia. The names of the people involved have similarities. The Russian Tsarnev brothers launched an attack on the public in Boston in a manner similar to an attack by two young adults on the Tsar of Russia in St. Petersburg on March 13, 1881. On this day, a 20 year old anarchist  named Nikolai Rysakov tossed a bomb under the carriage horses of Tsar Alexander II's procession as his bullet proof carriage travelled along the Catherine Canal heading for the Pevchevsky bridge. The blast did not destroy the carriage and Alexander was determined to alight from his carriage and comfort the wounded. Alexander made the sign of the cross and said "Thank God, I am not wounded" and immediately another man cried out "It is too early to thank God" as he ran towards the Tsar and tossed a bomb between his legs. The man was 25 year old Ignacy Hryniewiecki and he fatally wounded the Tsar.

The trauma of his assassination would define the next two reigns of  his son Alexander III and his grandson Nicholas II. Alexander II had ruled as an anomaly. He had ended centuries of tradition by liberating Russia's serfs and was determined to establish representative government in Russia. His two successors did not reverse the emancipation of the serfs and they turned back every other progressive initiative Alexander II had attempted. Russia returned to absolute autocracy until the Bolshevik Revolution of 1918. Thirty-six years of repressive imperial rule was followed by seventy-two years of Communist dictatorship were the direct consequence of two home-made grenades.

Does any of this have a familiar ring to it? 

This twin bombing of April 15 has been labelled an act of terrorism by President Obama and the South Carolina Republican Senator Lindsey Graham said: "Either our laws are insufficient or the FBI failed, but we're at war with radical Islamists and we need to up our game." Apparently the FBI may have also misspelt a name and the Tsarnev brothers slipped through the surveillance net. Their surname may be Tsarnaev or Tsarnaeva depending on which reports you read. Tamerlan the older now deceased brother at 26 had already been questioned by the FBI in 2011 and had travelled to Moscow in 2012. The younger surviving brother, Dzhokhar was a dedicated medical student who hoped to become a brain surgeon.

Maybe someone should show him pictures of the carnage he caused so that he can use the experience and new knowledge of how bodies look after suffering from explosive damage in his thesis on brain surgery. But I'm sure that the entry procedure to medical school will be more comprehensive than the FBI screening procedure. He might want to consider enrolling with the aviation training school that offered flight simulation training to some of the perpetrators of the Twin Tower's destruction of 9/11. Jeez, he might even take an advanced spelling course to correct his twittering : "Recent entries on what is reported to be his Twitter feed - @J-tsar - include "I'm a stress free kind of guy" on 17 April and "There are people that know the truth but stay silent & there are people that speak the truth but we don't hear them cuz they're the minority", on 16 April.

But this event will be a bonanza for the conspiracy theorists. Mr. Tsarnaev has already told the BBC that the secret services has framed his sons. Is this an attempt by the authorities to heighten our fear of "acts of terrorism" and seek our approval for the introduction of more screening, bugging and surveillance activities that bring us under more control of "big brother"? We are already living in a new age of the "new world order". There is an article suggesting three possible lines of inquiry and they all involve terrorists. There is a web site airing photographs apparently showing the appearance of a mystery unmarked van and men wearing indistinguishable uniforms before and after the bombings, as evidence of a conspiracy. Tamerlan had been tracked by Russian authorities who had warned the FBI in 2011 that he was a "follower of radical Islam". He may also be linked to a triple murder and has a record of domestic violence. It's fortuitous that allegged terrorists are also so incompetent that they cannot use handtools or check their weapons as it seems like another inconvenient inconsistency regarding evidence that 'Federal investigators are trying to trace the handgun, a 9mm Ruger, that the elder Tsarnaev used in the shootout. Two law enforcement officials said that an attempt was made to erase the serial number on the gun and that experts have been unable to restore all eight digits'.   

 I'm surprised that when considering the recent attention on North Korea, that the brothers have not been linked in some way to that state of political unrest. Maybe the brothers can be linked to any of the groups listed on the Canadian website Currently Listed Entities.

However, the bombing event of 1881 seems to have some similarities. The names Tsar and Tsarnev are similar, as is the ages of the perpetrators in both instances, and the Russian connection. It may have occured 132 years and 1 month ago but it did indeed change the political climate of the world and exaberate social tension until the fall of the Berlin Wall. Lisa Miller, writing in New York magazine summed it up well - "Evil may not have a single face, but it can be reliably found within one kind of body: that of an angry man in his late teens or twenties,"  "Angry. Young. Men. The description doesn't explain the motivations behind every notorious bloodbath, but it's a place to start -- perhaps the only place to start."
http://nymag.com/news/intelligencer/male-rage-2013-4/

Maybe it is that angry young men are the only people with the conviction and fortitude to perpetrate such acts. Within their first thirty years of life they have experienced innocence, education, awareness and disillusion, well before the stabilising and potentially demoralising effects of lack of education, divorce, demanding work, unemployment, debt, desperation and instability set in. Maybe these angry young men are the only people who actually follow through with their convictions in an attempt to bring awareness to their own insecurities and the plight of their fellows.

I'm not advocating acts of terrorism nor encouraging conspiracy theories but I'm ever vigilant since the destruction of the Twin Towers in New York in 2001. Too many laws have been passed by England, Australia and the USA that while seeming to protect us from radical thinkers and their actions may actually impede our democratic progress and our individual rights.

It's encouraging to see and hear debate regarding our freedoms and their stricture. It's reassuring to hear words relating to our democracy such as identification, legitimate, intelligence, surveillance, privacy, security and safeguards included in an article with legitimate questions embracing our paranoia.

Sometimes there are things we must do and sometimes there are things we need to do. I think the key to our successful democratic civilization is to find the correct balance between the two.
"The right things to do are those that keep our violence in abeyance; the wrong things are those that bring it to the fore".
Robert J. Sawyer, "Calculating God", 2000
Canadian science fiction writer (1960 - )  



Monday, April 22, 2013

The USS Ponce and Other Ponces.

This is what is on my mind :

The USS Ponce, an Amphibious Transport Dock, is the first ship in the United States Navy to be offically fitted with  a Laser Gun.

In Australian slang a 'ponce' is a title generally given to a person enamoured with false pretentions, that is, a 'poser' or a 'dickhead'. These people are often ridiculed and are considered as a source of entertainment. Their efforts to substantiate the implausible and impossible are often foolhardy and have the potential to inflict damage on innocent bystanders.

US Pentagon officials claim that the new high technology system offers a weapon at a fraction of the cost of traditional arsenal - "such as cruise missiles and rapid fire Gatling guns." (Los Angeles Times). They believe that a shot of directed energy costs under $US1. The Chief of Naval Research, Rear Admiral Matthew Klunder said in a statement. "Compare that that to the hundred of thousands of dollars it costs to fire a missile, and you can begin to see the merits of this capability."

The USS Ponce was launched in 1970 and in 2012 it was awaiting decommissioning and being sold as scrap in consideration of her age and an accumulation of rust. However, a contract was let for a rush retrofit of the ship and her re-deployment.

I am amused (raflol - in textspeak) that the Pentagon would even dare mention Gatling guns as though they were recently superseded technology. The Gatling gun did not see action until 1874 when it was finally embraced by the US military after its predecessor, the Coffee Mill (invented in 1861) was declared to be "...of no practical value." by the  ScientificAmerican in 1863. Gatling never got rich from government orders during the Civil War, but his gun did later achieve 'iconic status'.

Wikipedia states that the "USS Ponce (AFSB(I)-15), an Austin-class amphibious transport dock, is the only ship of the United States Navy that is named for Ponce in the Commonwealth of Puerto Rico, which in turn was named after the Spanish explorer Juan Ponce de Leon, the first governor of Puerto Rico and European discoverer of Florida."

There are reasons why this re-fitted ship and its new weapon are on my mind. It is a puzzle to me as to why the inventors of weapons of mass destructrion contend that the more destructive the weapons of war, the fewer are its casualties. Their reasoning appears to be that anyone facing the use of these weapons will be inclined to either run away or send fewer combatants to face annihilation, or that the force using the weapon will deploy fewer personel due to the increased destructive power of this weapon. There are also some people on my mind who exemplify the stupidity of this reasoning and each is either ignorant, brilliant or insane.

They are Richard Gatling and Alfred Nobel and they follow in the footsteps of Juan Ponce de Leon and have set the scene for the beliefs of Rear Admiral Klunder.

In 1513 Juan Ponce de Leon discovered the mainland that he called Florida, in recognition of his day of discovery, Easter Sunday (Pascua Florida) and took possession in the name of the Spanish king. As provincial governor, Ponce de León had occasion to meet with the Taínos who visited his province from neighboring Puerto Rico. They told him stories of a fertile land with much gold to be found in the many rivers. Inspired by the possibility of riches, Ponce de León requested and received permission from Ovando to explore the island. As provincial governor, Ponce de León had occasion to meet with the Taínos who visited his province from neighboring Puerto Rico. They told him stories of a fertile land with much gold to be found in the many rivers. Inspired by the possibility of riches, Ponce de León requested and received permission from Ovando to explore the island. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Juan_Ponce_de_Le%C3%B3n)

He returned to Spain and later, in 1521, he returned to conquer and colonize his land, but the fierceness of the natives prevented his success. He was wounded in the encounter and died in Cuba the same year.

Juan Ponce de Leon was one of the many fools appointed by the Spanish crown to search for the elusive city of Eldorado as well as the mythical Fountain of Youth. He was one of the many Spanish and English adventurers sent to the new Americas with the blessings of their countries to discover and monopolise the apparent wealth of the native indians. However, nobody of European descent could understand the tales of the natives and misinterpreted their folklore. In fact, the legend of the city of gold was merely based on native tales of a "man of gold" from beyond the mountains.
(* there is a very good book about this subject, The Golden Man - the quest for El Dorado by Victor W.von Hagen).

There are many fools populating our history, some of whom were convinced they were discovering, inventing and introducing technologies and beliefs that were benefitting mankind. There are two other brilliant people who had they been alive today, would recognize the devastating value of their brilliance.

Alfred Nobel was deeply disturbed that an obituary writer had confused the Nobels in reporting that his brother, Robert, had died and that the article was titled  "The Merchant of Death is Dead". Alfred was the inventor of a product which he proudly named "Nobel's Safety Blasting Powder" and named it 'dynamite', derived from the Greek dynamikos, 'power'. He had found a way to stabilise nitroglycerine, making it safe to transport and store. The inventor of nitroglcerine (which was highly unstable), Ascanio Sobrero, wrote that when he thought "...of all the victims killed...and the terrible havoc that has been wreaked...I am almost ashamed to be its inventor." He fervently believed that his invention was of benefit to mankind in that it would be of use for "the abolition or reduction of standing armies". Alfred left in his will, $9 million for the establishment of a foundation in his name, the Nobel Prize.

Richard Jordan Gatling was another inventor of whom we can all be proud of for finding a way to reduce our numbers. He was the American inventor of the first successful machine gun. He may well have been Alfred Nobel's psychic twin, for he also believed that his invention would shorten wars and reduce the number of casualties. He claimed that his weapon would "supersede the necessity of large armies and consequently exposure to battle and disease." But at least Richard must have possessed a sense of humour - he also invented a Flushing Toilet. Gatling also experimented with guns that were powered by electricity or gas but reasoned that it was difficult to carry a power source onto a battlefield.

One other person who was brilliantly mad and did realise the implications of his interference was Albert Einstein. Earnest Rutherford had speculated that the fission (splitting) of the uranium atom would release energy, but would also release more neutrons. The subsequent chain reaction would continue splitting neutrons and deliver an unbelievable amount of power.Of the atom being split he said: " Could a proper detonator be found it was just conceivable that a wave of atomic disintergration might be started through matter, which would make the old world vanish in smoke". Enrico Fermi later assembled a team of ambitious physicists and bombarded various elements with neutrons to see if the atoms would disintegrate. Fermi later won a Nobel Prize for Physics.   The "Manhattan Project", a massive research effort introduced by President Roosevelt with the director of the laboratory, Robert Oppenheimer, was largely the result of a letter sent to FDR by Einstein warning that German physicists had split the atom and were trying to develop a bomb unlike the world had seen before.

And so now, in 2013 we are living with the legacy left to us by brilliant madmen and fools. Some like Ponce de Leon sought to please their king, some like Nobel, found a way to make a dangerous product more available, some like Gatling were either hopelessly naive or wickedly hypocritical. These genius fools spread their immoral ideas through the channels of moral enterprise.They profess to bring improved technology to benefit men of war but they insidiously encourage the use of tools that offer all men more efficient  ways to kill.

The US Navy say their "consevative" data tells of the cheap cost of  a shot of "directed energy". What their data may not tell them is the real cost of delivering that energy. Are they again faced with the dilemma facing Gatling in being able to deliver the power effectively to the battle zone? Apparently, the installed laser's power can be "scaled" down to provide a "non-lethal"  alternative to ward off threats such as pirates, smugglers and terrorists. The laser does, however, have its drawbacks, testing has revealed it is disrupted by bad weather: Rain and clouds can scatter the beam, as can smoke, sand and dust.

The USS Ponce and its laser will be deployed in 2014. This follows the successful mounting and firing in 2011, when the laser set fire to an empty motorboat bobbing in the Pacific Ocean. However, generally the development of laser technology has been plagued by setbacks. Testing has revealed it is disrupted by bad weather: Rain and clouds can scatter the beam, as can smoke, sand and dust. It is not reassuring that the ship is an old rustbucket and has been saved from being scrapped and hastilty refitted. That the Pentagon did not risk the investment on a better ship should be a warning of their faltering belief in the success of the project. It seems that it is only an amphibious ponce with a laser gun, a floating platform for a new age Gatling gun.

At least now we know we may soon be safer from attack by those terrible 'terrorists' and other hostile seafaring mongrels. As long as a reliable power source can be found and the weather is perfect we will again have another machine of war. Leave it to Uncle Sam and the media to sensationalise the threat of war and our loss of freedom. We live in a virtual state of fear in the new age of paranoia, confusion and technology. When the weather is clear and their are no obstacles in the line of fire, and there is an experienced operator, and there is a reliable power source, and the ray is set at the right intensity, and the number of operating technicians is minimal, and the hardware damage isoptimum, and the casualties are maximum, and the cost is negligable - only then will the Pentagon have the perfect weapon of mass destruction.

And finally, there are two quotations that seem to reflect my opinion:

"The appearance of the machine-gun had not so much disciplined the act of killing - which was what the seventeenth-century drill had done - as mechanized or industrialized it." - John Keegan, The Face of Battle (1976).

"War always reaches the depths of horror because of idiots who perpetuate terror from generation to generation under the pretext of venegance." - Guy Sajer, The Forgotten Soldier (1971).

Fare thee well me hearties, damn the torpedos and full speed ahead.










Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Dogs are the Best People.

Four paws do not make a human, we are bi-pedal. Two limbs do not make a dog, we need four....?
I recently read this thing about ten things you can do to be happier, but I have my own version - - read this:
http://www.lifehacker.com.au/2013/08/ten-things-you-can-do-to-be-happier-backed-by-science/.........and then read mine -
1. Get out of bed.
2. Have a Nanna nap.
3. Stop working so much.
4. Tell your family that they really shit you.
5. Buy a tent.
6. Be nice to all dogs.
7. Say the word "fantastic".
8. Take LSD.
9. Learn to say "sorry".
10. Learn to say "thankyou".

Friday, September 28, 2012

The Nazi's Evil Influence

Here is a comment I posted in relation to this article :

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/09/26/buddhist-iron-man-statue-nazi-space_n_1917918.html?utm_hp_ref=daily-brief?utm_source=DailyBrief&utm_campaign=092712&utm_medium=email&utm_content=NewsEntry&utm_term=Daily%20Brief

Being portrayed as a backwards symbol actually makes it a bad luck symbol. The Nazi's were idiots. The 'Iron Man' is actually a symbol depicting the illusory benefits of masturbation. The man is holding the head of his penis with his left hand - signifying the downfall of civilisation due to the conceited efforts of a group of deluded pentacle believers that they were the masters of the universe. It is a symbol of man's conceit for his kind due to excessive stimulation of his sexual organ resulting in delusions of paranoia and domination. An insignia that in its true form represents the movement of the vault of the heavens was mis-interpreted. By reversing the rotation of the hands it becomes an omen of bad luck and it exerts an evil influence and is called a Sauvastika. 
 

Home Style

Here is a comment I tried to post about an article by Styleist Home called:

House Tour: Inside This 150 Square Foot House By Molecule Tiny Homes (PHOTOS)

at : http://www.stylelist.com/2012/09/24/house-tour-molecule-tiny-homes_n_1909830.html?utm_source=Triggermail&utm_medium=email&utm_term=Daily%20Brief&utm_campaign=daily_brief
My mother said "Don't say anything unless it is kind" but I'm still laughing over this. In Oz this building is called a CARAVAN. As depicted, it is a mobile home designed and built by a male ballerina and his brother in-law who pose as cabinet makers without engineering capabilities. To have been doing this for about "a year" and to get this amount of intenet exposure is astounding. That time frame, in business parlance, indicates they have been doing this for a long time or not at all! Which one of them is holding the baby, and where is the place for a "change table"? Where is there room for the cat's bowls - or is the subliminal message in the main photograph - "there is no pussy in this home"? It's not the intent of these two lovely people that I question but the intent of the author of this article. Shana Ecker is a freakin' genius. She should be writing for a comedy show. The pathos, the drama. the underlying social issues, the politics and the bank balance, the suburban ethos. This woman is every marketing officer's dream come true. This is a beautiful piece about 'downsizing' not just your home, but your relationship. Heck, I'm inspired. Why can't I do something totally left of field outside my range of expertise - like midwifery or UN Peace Consultant? After all, I've been looking after babies and shooting guns for "almost a year". I'm totally qualified in fucking things up. And, the price tag is priceless. What do I get for twenty thou? A pile of icecream sticks, glue and an exploded diagram of the Millenium spaceship?
Maybe I should subscribe to "Modeller's Monthly" and be done with my aspirations as a homemaker or architect. 
 

Panties

 

Here is a comment I posted in relation to an article :

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/zoe-triska/worst-word-ever_b_1880906.html?utm_source=Triggermail&utm_medium=email&utm_term=Daily%20Brief&utm_campaign=daily_briefIf

If I had a "pair" of ears I could say that I'd heard your argument 4 times over. But I have a pair of ear. For the same reason that I wear a pair of trousers, I am to assume that a one-legged pair of pants is to be called a pant - which is something that I,as a male, would do if you told me that you were now going to remove your panties. Removing your pants is akin to removing your outer layer with your panties as the inner. But, if I said that I was now going to remove my pant, you may think I were an amputee. However, if I were to walk into the trees, I would be far busier than if I were to walk into the tree. By your logic, I would wear a "trouse" instead of a pair of "trousers" but I would then wear a pair of "trousers". Therefore my pant should be called a pair of "trouse's", that is the derivative of the plural. It would seem that the word, in it's spelling, is a connotation of the 'way' it is said rather than the 'way' it is spelled. (or should it be spealt?). Such is they beauty of the English language. 

20200515

The Russians Kill a Dog

The most important thing about this news article, is that the owner of the house will be compensated ? Wot ? You mean that he'll get a VCR of "Close Encounters of the Third Kind' and a year's free supply of Vodka and a title to 1000 hectares of desolate Tundra.I think it would be more fun sending what remains of the Russian Army to pillage his Village and rape every female and male under the age of 14. That'll show the fucken' dissisdents who's the Boss. What really makes me roll all over the floor in laughter spilling my JD - is that the Russians were the first to send a living species into space. It was a DOG - and it died. That's really brave of you sick bastards. And while I'm on the subject of ignorance......Why the fuck did you extinguish the Romanov Blood Line.. The Last best thing you ever did was NOT let Napoleon conquer Moscow with over 140,000 troops. You made the poor bastard walk all the way back home - losing 100,000 toops to frostbite and starvation and with no boots to walk in. The Second best thing you ever did was make an alcoholic drink called "ABSALUTE CUT".....but, you poor fuckers can't even spell.....you shouda' called it "ABSOLUTE CUNT" ----- I woulda' drunk to that !
www.bbc.co.uk
Fragments of a Russian satellite that failed to launch properly have fallen in a street named after cosmonauts in a remote Siberian village, residents say.
 

I Had A Dream - (re: bikerMetric)

I would like to thank BIKERMETRIC for returning this to me.......I wrote this in response to an article they posted - ( an article I hope I can link to this for your benefit ).

They went beyond their own specifed limits of wordage ( 32, in fact ! ) and would therefore not post it.

I wrote it once, from my soul, and was afraid I had lost it forever.....I asked them to return it to me - and they did - but they went one step further - they actually did publish it.

I am so grateful that I don't quite know how to express my thanks.

But here is what I wrote :
Spirukas Goblinono said...
I had a dream too. I dreamt that people took to the streets, overturned authority, stopped paying banks back what they owed, stopped buying all the shit they really didn't need that was overpriced anyway,turned their housing estates into small self sufficient communities, stopped immigration and emigration, bought only locally made goods, sold their cars, took over the petrol companies and all bought motorcycles. The established bikie gangs stopped infighting and pledged to look after the new age of each independent homesteader and community - they have the werapons and organisation to rule and judge effectively.And then we rounded up all the rich bastards and bitches who started this financial crisis in the great age of advertising and mass production back in the years after the 2nd world war, and hung them all on crosses all over the countryside-alive! and let all the animals of the world feed on the scumbags. Then we left the cities to crumble and decay amongst the weeds and roots and trees that eventually broke down the mega concrete and steel sructures. We outlawed pornography to protect our children and used the gift of the World Wide Web for our benefit to spread the word of revolution and peace.
I dreamt that this all took place within 5 years and that I was the one who started the revolution that saved our planet and returned it back to the forces of nature and the wild beasts.
I also dreamt that there was no God except us and that WE need to make the right choices to protect this planet in honour of all the people who died in vain because they had no support.
I awoke startled and joyous - because WE are the 99 percenters and we outnumber them 100 to one.
And then I cried with happiness at what could so easily be achieved if we all just stopped being so scared of the enigma of the Big Brother.
          * I am so wasted at 4.41 in the morning that I hope I can post this right - Thank you.
 

Easier Water Sales

I just had to reply to this NEWS item, because it's way too late for me to be upset like this.

Here is what I said about this on my personal Facebook, and because I'm such a twat and dissenter and an egotist, I just thought everyone else needed to know about this. And this is happening in the same country where poor folks in Alabama can't afford to pay for the basic commodities of water and sewerage.

I actually find it amusing that the One percenters who hold the wealth do not yet seem to be scared of the Ninety Nine percenters who hold the poverty and the power to rebel. The rich pissants will eventually be holed up in the mansions and banks while the poor majority will have taken over the streets.

This is not my personal delusion - I know history - and it will repeat itself.

P.S.- I am ashamed that we do not yet have a spokesperson for all this. Maybe Rock and Roll really is the answer (if we take it from the hands of MTV - Dire Straights were right!) And come to think of it that is probably why John Lennon was assasinated - he could get the message across in such a beautiful powerful way - and people listened. Which reminds me- I think Yoko Ono knows more than she tells - come out of your shell dear - don't be so afraid. We need SOMEONE who hasn't sold out.

Hey, that gives me a great idea - vote for me - I'm not scared. (maybe I really have consumed waaay too many illicit materials tonight !).

 Anyway, here is my post to Facebook, the article of which I found on Twitter
.
 God Bless you all.........STAY CONNECTED.
What the F..K. Mother Nature gives birth to me and then makes me pay for some obscure Biblical Original Sin by taxing me all my life with ignorance, poverty, indecision, marrige, divorce and bankruptcy, inhaling polutants, failing health, all my friends passing away before I do, being confined to a single room when I'm so old that I shit my self like a baby - and then die and get placed in a pine box in the dirt while all my inheritors fight over my hard earned pile of crap. Jesus, isn't that enough tax to pay for living on this crummy posioned ball of earth that's slowly being sucked into a black hole. And now we have ANOTHER country forcing us to pay for H20.
Flippin' hell, Noah endured 40 days and nights so we could have all this water - IT was bestowed on us to re-create life. All I gotta' say to that - "is that if all you one percenters were on fire it's gonna be a lot cheaper (and a lot more fun) pissing on you because we can't afford the water".

www.mcclatchydc.com
Democratic Sen. Dianne Feinstein quietly used a $915 billion spending bill to accomplish a long-standing and, in some circles, controversial goal of easing Central Valley water sales.

Welcome to Hell

I feel so comfy that all this digital web networking that I put so much effort into is really touching readers' hearts and souls. I acknowledge that no one actually reads this because they are all so busy wading through all the trivia of today and the porn and the pointless emails that they feel so obligated to reply to because they sooo need to feel wanted and listened too.

I can hear all the lonely hearts echoing through the stratosphere, I can hear the cracking noise of all those important cries for help as they become slowly inundated by all the other self justified cries of help as their personal Titanical souls fade into oblivion.

It seems necessary to sink into oblivion whilst saving women and children first. Forgive us, lest we forget the sperm wasted during our orgasmic attempts to seek self fullfillment in the cause of procreation.

You may just as well ejaculate your jism over the screen of life that presents itself as reality and insert your digit into the vagina of wanton deviancy that permeates your pathetic existance.

We are all so complacently comfortable in the soothing folds of ecstacy that occupy our six second sexual existance while we masturbate our minds to orgasm - and then we feel that we have achieved such satisfaction that all our problems are solved.

How many of you have climaxed in a juicy blend of juices and after-glow, that all of your problems, his and hers, seem inconsequential relative to the problems of the universe? And how many of you, after thrusting your organs to climax, have lain there not actually enjoying the squirting of bodily fluids, after having heaved your last muscle and breath, have instantly thought of all the other problems you face in the alltogether reality of the human social existance and it's fucked up awkwardness.

And, the copulation seems to be such an awkward ugly thing - a mutual masturbation that cannot be shared because you each really gain so much more more more pleasure from playing with yourself - because YOU know what you want.

That is such a hard thing for humans to share. We are all so fucked up by our expectations and comparisons with what we think is normal is based on what we are lead to believe is normal. We have let others dictate what our dicks and cunts need that we forget reality.

Man and woman are not the monagamus creatures we have been lead to believe. We are only animals or even less than that - creatures that instinctively fuck and procreate according to the whims of Mother Nature. We serve a single purpose only.

Humanity; in fact, any species of animal, insect, plant, fungus or bacteria is only a small jab in the darkness of evolution.

We have all been engineered by Mother Nature as an experiment in survival. We, as humans, are insignificant in the masterplot of the universe. We, and all of nature, are just another experiment in nature's plan to produce the ideal species that suits the envirionment that we manufacture.

We are going nowhere. We are insignificant in the total realm of time. We have not even existed for one single second in the twenty four hour clock of the universe.

So feel free to twitter away, plunge into that twat, punch out your frustrations on that keyboard, take out your frustrations beating your wife or your best friend or your enemy, drink yourself merry, drug yourself mindless, fuck your self stupid - and when you suddenly have that epiphany that you really understand that you know what this is really all about, don't kid yourself.

You are are a sperm. One of millions who successfully made the journey from the cunt to the womb. All that makes you feel important and necessary is that you, as a little blob of cum, managed to outswim the the rest, had the intelligence to cling to the membrane wall and penetrate the uterus. After that, you lost your independence, you lost you will, you lost any free choice - you became a slave to sex.....and that is your only reason for your existence.

For God's sake, get over it, get a soul, have a heart, show some compassion, stop being a cunt - the same one you came from. You are a victim. You are a tool. You are being used by nature to make a better world out of this place. You are an instrument. Stop thinking that you are so fucking important.

You originally had two choices - and only two : either you swam like fucking crazy - and that was the best thing you ever did ( beat the million others competing for your position ) or dry up as a little white dead blob on a blanket of love.

For God's sake, get over it. The only God you really believe in is YOU. Well have I got news for you - NO ONE really gives a fuck. That's why humans wage war. That's why humans kill. That's why humans insult and demean. That's why humans rape and pillage. That's why humans scream and grab. That's why humans think that they are important.

That's why humans think they are so important and necessary - because they just cannot accept the fact that they are NOT really that important or necessary.

It's probably a good thing ( and nature's plan ) that we murder and abort and wage war and kill our enemies.

We are a plague on this planet. We are vermin. We are Sodom and Gomorrah. We are Adam and Eve, but we fucked up.......we thought we were the masters of the universe, but all we are is the Masters of Our own Downfall.

HELL is where we deserve to be. Science will not save us. Religion will not save us. Politics will not save us. Sex will not save us. War will not save us. Alcohol and drugs will not save us.

We are trapped in an endless existance of consentual mutual masturbation that makes us feel good about ourselves.

Congratulations to you all. Welcome to Hell. This is where I live. 
 

Women, Shopping and Sex

This article got me really excited, not just because I have a secret love of watching women shop, but because I have a secret hate of the guys who wait patiently outside- looking and feeling like real dorks.

It's good to see that someone else has noticed another connection between money, women, shopping and sex.

Here is the link/address to the article :

http://www.watoday.com.au/opinion/society-and-culture/what-women-want-and-why-we-might-be-compatible-after-all-20111212-1orgm.html

And here is what I wrote in response on my Facebook :
Well this is very interesting - it supports a theory I have about shopping with women. When you both walk past that gorgeous clothes shop and you suddenly realised she's no longer beside you but back in the shop - go back into the shop yourself. it will surprise you how many admiring looks you get from other females in the shop. It's actually a three way compatibility- they get horny because you appreciate looking and touching female apparel, you get horny because the materials feel so damned good, and when she finally notices that you are brave enough to be in a woman's domain as she exits the change room - she gets horny too. I call that a win/win/win situation.

20200413

Awaiting Moderation Part 2 

 

Wow, I must have hit a nerve.

"newswithnipples" replied to my last comment almost immediately. But I believe that it validates exactly what I was alluding to.

Here is her reply :
"Get your hand off it. The comment you posted during the night was offensive and ridiculous and made very little sense. And then your “waaaaah why won’t you publish my comment” was also rejected because I don’t have to publish anything. It’s my blog. If you want to complain, use your own blog."

Congratulations.

Woops, I need to add her "Subscription Policy" - classic journo' double talk :
"Hi! Thanks for subscribing to the News with Nipples. My favourite part of this blog is you, and I love the feedback I get on each post from people who agree, disagree, point out things I've missed or just want to crack a rude joke. I try to respond to every comment so that we have a conversation going, and I hope you will be a part of that conversation.
I moderate the comments so that there's no name-calling and everyone gets to have their say. If you're unsure about commenting, please check out my comment policy page.
Hope to hear from you soon,
Kim."
Goodbye for now, I'm all done being rude for today.

Awaiting Moderation 

 

As an addendum to my last post "News With Balls", it appears that my comment to "newswithnipples" is either still awaiting moderation or will never be added to that blogg's comments.

If that is the case, I am actually rather delighted that :
a/ my comment was taken to be obscene and hurtful, or
b/ my comment was deemed not fit to publish because it was contrary to all other opinions.

That is not what I would call fair and unbiased journalism.

However, I will continue to debate and dissent.

My Regards. 

News With Balls

 

I was so incensed by a blogg site called "Newswithnipples" and the fact that I now feel such an idiot for following it on 'Twitter' that I posted the following reply to the twat that tweets so much inconsequential nonsense :

Exactly what I was wondering - why do you tell us guys this stuff ? A PhD and you call your audience 'guys'. Women are not guys, they are female. The first women to call an audience of any sex "guys" were lesbians back in the 90's. They said that to make them feel gender neutral - because they were afraid of being ostracized and they believed it was sooo 'touchy/feely'. Us 'guys' don't really wanna' hear this stuff, that's why we stand around at parties getting pissed and talking 'man' stuff like cars and guns and cunts. (Fuck yeah you heard me right - I can swear too!). We don't wanna' hear this stuff because the stuff that women waste time talking about, I call 'rabbiting'. You start a conversation about something and sidetrack somewhere else and then somewhere else and then somewhere else and eventually come back to the subject - but of course it's all connected to the same theme - and eventually you come back to the point you started on. It's what rabbits do - they take all that time digging all those burrows that connect back to the one place. But a man/bloke/guy just comes out and fucken' says it, gets a response and moves on. We cover more ground in 5 minutes than you will cover in 5 hours. That's what I meant when I said "I don't really give a rats toot" about who's doing what to whom and who's not paying.
I originally thought "news with nipples" was a clever pun on "news with balls" and it was actually written by a guy - woops, sorry, I meant 'man', but when you start demeaning your partner by calling him 'man friend' and dribble on about vomittng and shitting and your weird fashions I am repulsed.
I have also realised that having a PhD is not the same as having communication and life skills.
And, I am sorry if I have offended women, men, lesbians and journalists, but fuck me, get a life will ya'.

* Here is the address/link for the aforementioned article :
http://newswithnipples.com/2011/12/11/the-final-wedding/#comment-10195 

The Russians Kill a Dog

The most important thing about this news article, is that the owner of the house will be compensated ? Wot ? You mean that he'll get a VCR of "Close Encounters of the Third Kind' and a year's free supply of Vodka and a title to 1000 hectares of desolate Tundra.I think it would be more fun sending what remains of the Russian Army to pillage his Village and rape every female and male under the age of 14. That'll show the fucken' dissisdents who's the Boss. What really makes me roll all over the floor in laughter spilling my JD - is that the Russians were the first to send a living species into space. It was a DOG - and it died. That's really brave of you sick bastards. And while I'm on the subject of ignorance......Why the fuck did you extinguish the Romanov Blood Line.. The Last best thing you ever did was NOT let Napoleon conquer Moscow with over 140,000 troops. You made the poor bastard walk all the way back home - losing 100,000 toops to frostbite and starvation and with no boots to walk in. The Second best thing you ever did was make an alcoholic drink called "ABSALUTE CUT".....but, you poor fuckers can't even spell.....you shouda' called it "ABSOLUTE CUNT" ----- I woulda' drunk to that !

www.bbc.co.uk
Fragments of a Russian satellite that failed to launch properly have fallen in a street named after cosmonauts in a remote Siberian village, residents say.

My Dog will Guard My Place

My Zoe Dog willingly rolls over on her back , spreads her legs and wants me to rub her tummy. I approach this situation with caution. I ask myself, what is in it for her what is in it for me? My dog is not holding a gun to my head, she is not holding me for ransom, she does not require love to live. She gladly accepts my care and attention to her needs - she does not whine or upset my equilibrium to let me give her love. She totally accepts my attention, or lack of. When I look in her doleful eyes, I feel joy and sadness that she willingly accepts my love regardless.

It seems strange that I can deserve the love from an animal.

For all the inabilities that restrict my acceptance of my rightful place on this earth - I never cease to wonder why my pet shows endless obedience and devotion to the 85% bag of liquid that I call me.

I call her 'Little Wolf' because she would sacrifice her life to protect me, but I continually disappoint myself in my efforts to prove that I can even protect myself. I have been so disciplined to accept that I am a subservient to the debilitating training program of the human race, that I momentarily forget my duty to care for for those who become victims of my inability to give love.

Why does it seem so easy to share my heart with an animal when I feel so alienated from the human race? She accepts the fact that I have the ability to kick her around the room like a football, but I know that when she folds hers her ears back - she is scared - and I know that she needs my assurance that everything is OK even though I'm pacing the room as though there are demons pursuing my soul and the end is nigh.

If I were to die comatose on the floor, trying to breathe, spewing up my soul; do I lie here gasping and sucking my last breath through a haze of confusion because of my inability to accept that no one said "thank you".....?

No. There are not many who will appreciate my contribution, and there are not many who will sit with me while I pass away and lick my face while I die.

My Dog does not ask much - in fact she asks nothing at all - except allegiance - she would rather die for my cause than me.

I am continually at a loss to understand why my dog will accept my faults and indiscretions and the human race will not. But I will not relinquish the capacity that I have, to extend my compassion for the inadequacies that I have the inability to control, understand or appreciate.

When I die; I will feel the moist licks of my dog most.

Most of humanity will be to too ready to judge me, or praise me, or condemn me, or pity me, or dip their grubby little paws into the meager goldmine that will pass to my descendants.

My dog, and only my dog, will lie beside me and guard me from predators - she has an innate understanding of how precious I am. She will kiss me and protect me because I gave my life to her.

Even when I am gasping my last breaths and cannot stroke her head as I am dead, my dog will guard and protect what she knows is precious and she will not let you near my stagnant body as I regretfully pass from here to there.

Even when I exit from here - my dog will guard my place. 
 

Every Woman's Guide to Man Training

 

I am not writing this because I want you to hear. I am writing this because I believe it is right. I will write the truth as I see it; not as other people wish it to be to be seen. (Thank you John Scopes).

No man ever went to war on his own accord - he felt is was his duty.

Neville Chamberlain said, in 1938 - "In war, whichever side may call itself the victor, there are no winners, but all are losers". Neville proudly led Britain into World War II and resigned in 1940 after Germany invaded Norway.

Neville's wife, Anne, married him in 1911. He was already a successful business man and had sincerely expected to remain a bachelor and he often said that he never would have become Prime Minister without her support. Her main claim to fame was that she created a bright border of flowers to replace the drab London shrubs at No.10, Downing Street.

Now I'm not going to go on about the second war because that was the only thing of any significance that happened as a result of the first war, but I wonder what mysteries lurk beneath the motives for all the political maneuverings and human carnage.

As I often do when I am amazed and disillusioned by the incapacity of the human race to prove that it is not actually the 'inhuman race' in its race to prove that it is genuinely compassionate towards its fellow members, I begin to wonder why we bother to wage war.

History shows me that war is traditionally waged to extend or protect geographical boundaries. Every nation has a sovereign right to safeguard its inhabitants and allow them freedom of expression and trade. But why? Most of the physical attributes that delineate the areas of individual trading zones that we so often call countries, were decided hundreds of years ago. Because the threat of military annihilation has manipulated many small countries into subservience, they no longer have the will to improve their situation or the leverage to manipulate a more favourable position.

So it seems that any new wars are not really about physical expansion but more about freedom of expression - and to me that is exactly the situation that mirrors the "Battle of the Sexes".

There was once a popular author who theorised that Men were from Mars and Woman from Venus - I wish to dispute this. Women are not from Venus, that is a myth perpetuated by the propaganda Gods of the War Machine to placate the male model of the humanoid. No they are not from Venus, they aren't even from this solar system. They originate from some deep, dark distant cavern in the outskirts of the Universe called 'Manipulamano'.

Oh oh, I can feel the barbs of the femanoid rising to their defense and I sense their anticipation of the fight and the sweet thrill of satisfaction as they relish the agony they inflict on the manoid as he rides into battle with his balls in his hands and his guard down.

May God help us. He created Man in his own image and then ripped a rib out and created Woman and what did she do? She noticed that she had a few bumps and curves and orifices that were not quite structured in the traditionally accepted form of the breast thumping, ego breathing, dominating, appendage hanging, club swinging, foul smelling, undomesticated, hairy, unkempt version of the dick wielding, hole poking, self centered male beast.

Sometime around about the time when she figured out that the figurative fig leaf was scant protection against the throbbing gristle within the loin cloth it was decreed that if HE wanted IT, he was going to have to work for it. Hey, if you want this sweet little pussy to just roll on her back for a tummy rub, well goddamn it boy - you're gonna' work for it - and that's where the trouble started.

Now she wouldn't admit it and she certainly wouldn't say it but she had suddenly become afflicted with the malady of 'Dickus Envious' - (I'm sure Freud would be proud of me, but I disagree with his opinion that I want to get into my mum's knickers).

It became scathingly obvious to her that it was no longer acceptable to be wined and dined, beaten over the head and dragged off to a cave for a penile peccadillo. Things would have to change damn it. She was getting pretty sick and tired of being a collector gatherer, bending her arse over stupid little berries and vegies and washing loinclothes in the river in the pissing rain. And then she'd go back to the cave, hang a boiling pot of hash over a triangle of burning sticks and prepare to bend her arse over again so that the hairy old bastard could get his rocks off, fall into a restful sleep and disappear the next day into the wilderness to down a few of ales at the local Mammoth Slaying Mud Pit.

There just had to be a better way.

But I digress. What the hell was Annie Chamberlain doing planting pretty flowers when Neville was fighting the battle of his life to save his country. Come to think of it, what the hell was his opponents' current squeeze, Eva Braun, doing in the Bunker while Hitler was watching the size of his potential kingdom shrink as quick as his penis in a mousetrap. Or for that matter, lets go back a few centuries and observe a few other copulating examples of penile servitude and labial mastication. (I hope you're reading this Ms. Greer!).

What the hell was Napoleon Bonaparte thinking when he marched a few hundred thousand soldiers to Moscow, discovered that he probably couldn't get in and promptly turned around and marched his troops back home again - losing about half of them to death from the freezing cold or desertion? You call that man a conqueror - crap! He only had one thing on his mind : prove to that sweet little bitch, Antoinette, that his dick really could be massaged by his hand in his breast pocket because he was Emperor of the world! And the poor sucker died of lead poisoning - yeah sure - died from severe penile swelling caused by too much lead in his pencil because she wouldn't give over.

But I digress - again. The point is (and I admit the some of the facts as they are alleged to be, are deliberately distorted to protect the innocent), that I question what were the lovely beaus of these manly man weapon wielders were doing to the poor guys heads in the meantime.

It's strange that there are no armies comprising of women. Females don't appear to be sociologically inclined to band in groups, wield weapons and plunder, pillage and rape just to prove how tough they are - but they'd sure as hell be mean mother fuckers every fourth week. Many military complexities would occur when at any one time roughly 25% of them decided they just wanted to lie down and have a cup of tea and then at a moments notice, want to rip your balls off!

That's part of the beauty of the female race - they are just so unpredictable. But, beware, they have learned to compensate by exerting their biological mood swings in a manner that undermines the entire future of the male species.

Men need to be aware that they are the hapless victims of a sinister plot secretly waged by women to undermine their authority and their usefulness. Do not be distracted by the media hype declaring that men will soon become obsolete in their biological role as implanting seeds for their offspring - that is a clever ploy to encourage men to find new ways to entertain women to perpetuate the myth that they actually care about us.

Men have become subservient to the female aura - the mystery of the female orgasm has fostered the desire to prove that they can satisfy the female libido.In fact my research leads me to believe that men are inclined to believe that women are directly controlled by their regular biological and physical circumstances, that they are in fact slaves to their primitive genetic urge to seek out the best mate and reproduce - and that is all there is, everything else is an illusion.

An illusion! I hear you say - no surely not? Come on guys get your dick out of your hands and have a look around you. I'll summarize the schedule in point form as we follow the growth of the female from birth to death :

All babies cry when they are born only because they get a slap on the bum. Boys enjoy it - like "hey cool, I passed out for a bit - let's party". Girls cry because you disturbed their nap.

Little girls at kinder get jealous that they've got nothing to play with between their legs.

Little older girls at primary school wear dresses because they want to be able to show you (very quickly) that their knickers look real pretty.

Bigger little girls at secondary school have noticed the attention men give their mothers and mimic the preening, prancing, attention seeking habits their aging, strung-out, sexually frustrated role models exhibit.

At puberty, the mother lode take their innocent charges aside and relieve the stress of discovery of regular lunar inspired bleeding for the majority of their lives by delivering the news that they must be nice to find a nice man to breed with and have nice kids.

(Woops - that should be enough - where do the sweet innocents go from here?)

Suddenly, those lovely legs look even better with less knickers.

The discovery that she actually had the ability to restrict and regulate his copulating by feigning embarrassment over such a yucky thing as blood and such a silly thing as a headache.

The realization that multiple orifices seem to excite the male for no apparent reason offered a whole range of possibilities for male exhaustion and female multiplicity that do not lead to pregnancy but actually increase their status as playthings.

Awareness that boys like toys and seem to have control of their lives and girls can satisfy a demand that boys are willing to pay for.

The availability of sex toys that bypass the need for real penile penetration.

"Gee. I only have to open my legs and be able to cook a good meal and he'll do anything for me".

"Cool, I can stay home all day, not actually having a job and he will slave at the Mammoth Pit all day, make money, take me out, be polite just so he can slip that silly train in my tunnel and blow off some steam"

Pregnancy swells them to the size of a blithering, waddling, deformed, ugly, moody, baby mammoth and they wonder if they are still desirable.

After childbirth, the body does not quite return to its normal shape and it is suddenly apparent that there are other female predators taking an interest in their sperm store.

The post child female enrolls in the "Other Mothers Gossip Club" which is actually a pseudonym for "Lets Get Together and Share Stories of How I Fucked Over My Neanderthal Tosser For a Fortune Club" which is really a secret club called "Time for Another Drinkies Darling".

Lonely, sexually frustrated middle aged female pulls out all stops to recapture her youth by spending enough money on cosmetics, massages, joggers and lycra pants to put an entire generation of Nigerians through Medical School.

Consumption of alcoholic beverages increases to the point that her obstetrician starts wearing beer glass goggles so that she feels comfortable.

Suddenly it's no longer necessary to be a bitch because of the monthly cycle - now it's just good enough to be a bitch because they can.

And the most blessed thing of all - the dick wielding, chest beating behemoth doesn't realize that after working all his life for HER, he's going to die first, leaving her a vast fortune, house, car and retirement fund and complete unfettered access to all his desperately horny rich friends.

(Now that's a Wildlife Species Special I really wanna' see David Attenborough do!)

But I digress again. Although I still find it legally fascinating that you do more time in a personal prison for Divorce than you do in a real prison for Murder.

Are you beginning to see where this is heading - maybe not, okay.

Just remember one thing - there is a place in the universe that not many men understand, it is a place were few have the courage to go and few have had the opportunity to visit and return from unscathed. It is a place of confusion and delusion, a realm of deceit, a scene set for a disaster, a place where only the brave man will venture for fear of castration, and a place in a space that is a woman's place - and she wants it all.

And now I will take you back to the beginning.....watch the swinging watch and listen to my commands. When you awake, everything will be better once you listen to this:

Male and Female do no longer exhibit the accepted anthropological traits of Hunter, Gatherer, Collector, Nurturer (Margaret Mead - eat your heart out). We are now from here on in, only classified in TWO categories : Trainer and Fetcher.

The male has become a willing participant in the female training programme. Men are being trained to obey. Women don't really know what they want - all they know is that from the moment they are born, they don't have something men have - a PLAYTHING. So to compensate for their ignorantly self perceived deprivation they practice a game of manipulation and control. Face it, every girl wants to be a boy because he can DO things and GET things that she cannot conceive of and doesn't know how to get.

A women will spend her life not knowing what she really wants (she's not quite sure of her place in the world - evidenced by her obsession with cosmetic and fashion imagery and illusion). But she will spend an inordinate amount of time and energy searching for things that she thinks she might want.

The 'Man Training' programme is her way of controlling any situation to her advantage so that if, just on the off-chance that she finally does see something that she does want, the man who is so desperately clutching her bosom will not even question his motives, but instantly come to attention, chase and retrieve, just like a well trained pet.

Of course the root of the problem still remains nevertheless. She does not know what she wants, but as long as she has trained a man to fetch it, he will keep on fetching and providing even though it's not really necessary. Instinctively, his dick needs a home - and she knows it.

Now I am well aware that many will think that this all nonsense and I have no idea what I'm talking about. Well I am going to sum this all up with one example that I want Men and Women to think about.

When a man goes to stand and relieve himself in the toilet bowl, and the household members are also female; he instinctively knows (through diligent training) that he must lower the seat for the next delicate female derriere to comfortably position itself thereon in such a manner so that she will not soil her pretty little fingers by touching any part of the urinal lid or seat.

Well, f..k you princess, there's a new game in town, and you, bitch is gonna' learn it.

When a man goes for a piss, it doesn't matter if he splashes or squats, sprays or prays - all he's gotta' do afterwards is PUT THE SEAT DOWN AND THEN THE LID. The point being that she is now going to lift the lid herself - MAKE THE BITCHES WORK FOR IT. (she's going to have to DO something for HERSELF).

Besides which, you're covered dude. You put the lid down for hygiene purposes and you don't know who will be there next. This is ANTI-DISCRIMINATORY. Men should no longer be treated as lesser equals.I don't wanna put the seat down any more - "you freakin' do it". Goddamn it - I've never seen a female put the seat UP for me!

But, I digress again.

My point is that I need to remind you about the War, any Wars, all Wars. I don't think that Anne Chamberlain was really that happy with her garden out the front of No. 10 Downing Street. In fact, she probably wasn't really happy with the wedding ring, or the car, or the school the kids went to, or the fucking silver tea set, or her pissant (sic) husbands profession or handling of the country. No way was she happy with anything, but she knew she could be happier if she could get what she thought she wanted and she knew she had just the man to do it for her.

I can almost hear Barbara Bush whispering in hubbies ear - "I want Iraq". What the hell was Helen of Troy thinking, or Cleopatra or Mrs. Genghis Khan or Mrs. Stalin thinking, or Cherie Blair or Janette Howard or any of the other thousands of females who stood silently behind their powerful partners succinctly whispering sweet juicy promises of endless passion and devotion in return for a seat on the observation deck on the sinking stinking ship of greed.

Big things start off little. It doesn't take long for a female to realise that if a man can get her a bunch of flowers, he can get her a bunch of diamonds. If he can get her a piece of land and build a house, he can get her a country or few and all the chattels attached and maybe even an empire.

Female intuition is an amazing thing but their ability to survive, thrive and dominate is a terrifying thing - God help any man who incurs her wrath.